Tuesday, April 3, 2012

B is for Boy Bands

Quick Update: Yeah, only day three of the A-Z blogging thingy and I failed. But I have two blogs today, one for “B” and one for “C” so forgive me. Please? PLEASE?

Song Stuck In My Head: “Hang It Up” by the Ting Tings. Ah, if only the world could see the nerddance I’ve choreographed for this song.

Boy bands. No, wait, don’t run, we got a blog to get through here.

I’m sure you’ve heard they’re back? No? Well, there’s this one group ONE DIRECTION moving up in the world; in fact, they’re the musical guest on this week’s Saturday Night Live. Then there’s THE WANTED, a European group of semi-hunks who sing a sappy but ever-so-catchy dance song, “Glad You Came.”

All it takes is two to make it big. We all know that.

There have been a few other attempts to bring back the force that is the boy band mania. (definition: when singing male collective ignites stalker-level passions in teenage girls through provocative dance moves and pop songs. See also: Bieber Fever). We all saw Big Time Rush make decent fame on their Nicklodeon show of the same name. We also had those Jonas Brothers’ five minutes. Whether the Brothers qualify as a boy band is still up for debate, as they technically had instruments and occasionally played them or something.

I’m starting to just think…why fight it?


Pro...the economy! Sure, most parents will only see money as a bad issue. But then you think about it in the long run. The more boy band mania there is out there, the more demand there'll be for posters, clothes, school supplies, more clothes, concert DVD's and special edition deluxe CD's, magazines, accessories for all those clothes, etc. I grew up pretty cheap, but I still had two Nsync CD's, one Backstreet Boys special edition CD, a karoake tape full of boy band goodies, and an Nsync watch. More boy bands, more industry. Somebody get the Senate on the phone!

Cons...affect on gay rights. Gay rights is always a battle against the conservative and the mindless hoodlums who chuckle like Beevis and Butthead at the word "gay". And with every boy band, there's speculation that one of more of them is playing for a different team. (Which isn't impossible. Two words: Lance Bass.) Sadly, I can already hear those hoodlums talking about how "gay" boy bands are, how one of them's probably a "fag", dissing the way they look or talk or dance. Just as we started getting states to legalize gay marriage too. Two steps forward, two step back.

Pro...more Taylor Swift songs. Since country sweetheart Taylor Swift is attracted to young, reckless, and/or douchey celeb musicians like moths and a lamp, we can probably
expect a budding romance between her and one of the boy banders sometime soon. And when they break up (hopefully not over the phone) then we'll have more angsty Taylor Swift break-up songs to enjoy! Yay!

The I'm About to Write a Hateful Song About You face.

Cons...the shame. One day, you'll be at work/school/store, innocently listening to one of these boy bands and - forgive us now, Lord - enjoying it. Then you'll realize people can hear your earbuds. They can see what's playing on your I-Pod. They can see what's on your computer screen. And you can try to make excuses ("Oh, someone told me to check this out." "Oh, I just wanted to see how stupid this song is, it's so stupid, right? Hahahaha...." "Oops. Wrong link! How'd I get here? How...weird, right?"). But it'll be too late. The damage will be done. Might as well start saving up for concert tickets.

Pro...less spotlight on Justin Bieber. Yep, the Biebs has a new album coming out this summer apparently. And even though the cute singer’s main clientele, tween girls, would be breaking the law if they dated him now (he just turned eighteen! How adorable and slightly disturbing) the obsession isn't going to stop anytime soon. However, if we had a couple boy bands to compete for fangirls, perhaps Justin can be stopped from taking over the world. Not that we thought he was going to. Really. We can stop listening to "Baby" whenever we want to, we swear.…

Cons…simple. Finding it harder and harder to deny the cuteness of boy bands.

When it gets too painful and boy bands start taking over again, just remember - in a few years, we won't even remember their names. Unless one of them goes on Dancing With the Stars - which they probably will. Let's not talk about it.

Later. (Not too later though. I got my "C" blog coming out later today).

Oh, and for fun, here's a hilarious diagram I found whilst Google searching boy band pics...


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